Dear (insert company here):

Let’s get to the point. No, I don’t want to tell you my story at #clevermarketinghashtag. I have my children to entertain, dinner to make, a spouse to talk to, The Walking Dead and House of Cards to watch, etc. I have bigger distractions. You are the after thoughts of after thoughts. To call you a low priority is an understatement. I might even like your product, service or brand, and your commercial, but unless I’m stuck in a hospital bed, I’m going straight to or play Words With Friends. So why are you wasting your time? (And money.) In the hopes you get click-thrus from desperate iGenerationers sitting in their parents’ basement and don’t have a nickel their name? That might have been a neat, unique idea in, say, 2010. But in 2015, we’re too busy protecting our passwords from eastern European hackers to bother going on a deep give into your website. (Unless of course you’re so wildly entertaining that i just can’t help myself. But the odds are low. Like winning the lottery low.)

So let the hashtag go back to being happily anonymous keys sitting just above the number three. Like us, it just wants to be left alone.

That’s my story. And it’s the last and only one you’ll get.

People With Lives

P.S. Of course here I am on a blog telling you I don’t have time. No irony there, huh.