Dear 2.5 Readers, let’s not dilly dally. I know you’re anxiously awaiting my learned and incredibly accurate prediction that would make any $25 a session palm reader jealous.

Those hoping for a possible return to fiscal sanity and a turn away from European-style social democracy at the end of Tuesday evening are going to be disappointed. President Obama will do what no POTUS has done under such tenuous economic conditions, subpar labor reports and a D-minus record and stewardship of our economy: retain The Office of The President of the United States. Not by much, mind you, but retain it he will.

After a solid month of Mitt Romney building a lead, and a huge assist from Hurricane Sandy and a panicky left-leaning media that succeeded in portraying Obama acting like a leader for once, the polls don’t look good for Mitt Romney. Oh, it’s close—overall. And sure, Mitt could pull it out. But then there are the swing states. Obama’s winning—and by numbers greater than the margins of error. Even in light of that, I predict Obama will win with less than 50% of the vote, and win by .8 to 1.5% over Mitt—all a far cry from the throttling Obama gave John McCain in 2008.

Will it be the end of the world? Will America be lost? Should you make empty threats to move Canada? Slit your America-loving wrists? Good heavens no.*

Here’s why.

Yes, my liberal friends will celebrate as only they know how: they’ll chortle, chuckle, snark, guffaw, grandstand, gloat, smirk, sneer and be smarmy about the victory—they could call the victory a mandate. My neighbor may even play “The Star Spangled Banner” on his electric guitar as he did Election Night 2008. And I’ll probably—no, most certainly—receive snide, snarky, boastful and plain dickish posts on my Facebook wall from gloating liberal “friends.” That’s okay, I’m a big boy. I can take it. Besides, I, along with my sure-to-be dour fellow GOPers, have a big old fat trump card. (No, it’s not The Donald.)

All I have to do is point to the House of Representatives, controlled by those meddling Republican kids**, and wish them and The One good luck in passing any social democratic or more fiscally inept and irresponsible pieces of legislation by anything other than a scheisty POTUS decree. And depending on how snarky the gloat, I might add a “So suck it” to the end of my reply.

Oh, one more little prediction! When we all jump off the fiscal and tax cliff next year, the GOP will most certainly wrest control of the Senate in 2014, thus further neutering Obama’s agenda and sealing his fate as the most hapless and incompetent POTUS since Jimmy Carter.

Cheer up, buckaroos! It’s the end of the election season (and I feel fine)!

But by God, if Jay Inslee beats Rob McKenna in my beloved state, I’m fucking moving to….oh, who am I kidding.

*Though opening an off-shore account isn’t a bad idea.
** Am I the only who, every time some liberal whines and complains about the GOP thwarting some piece of Obama legislation, hears the grumbling, busted villains from Scooby Doo (“…if it weren’t for those meddling kids, I’d have gotten away with it….”)? Yeah, you hear that too? Good, it’s not just me.