Short attention span? Can’t hold a conversation that goes on for more than three….oh look, pretty bird! Lucky for you, Dear 2.5 Readers, I’ve got the Official ADHD Summary of the POTUS debates right here. I know you can’t sit still, so here’s how things turned out.

1st Debate Winner: Romney, in Secretariat fashion.

2nd Debate Winner: Complete tie. Don’t kid yourself.

3rd Debate Winner: Obama wins by a leg and several of his jumbo ears.

Overall Winner: Romney by the length of two RC Cola 24-packs.

Why Romney’s The Overall Winner: As of this writing, he gained then maintained the lead he acquired from the 1st Debate where he was behind by nearly 5 points then pulled ahead. See for yourself here. That equals winner. (And he’s still ahead as of this posting.)

Obama’s Most Tiring and Thoroughly Disproved Talking Point: Romney wanted Detroit to go bankrupt. He did frakkin’ not.

Romney’s Most Tiring and Thoroughly Disproved Talking Point: Obama went on an apology tour. He did frakkin’ not.

Best Obama Zinger/Moment: “Governor, we also have fewer horses and bayonets because the nature of our military’s changed”. A good point that shows he understands (perhaps) the nature of asymmetrical warfare in the Global War on Terrorism*. At least until….

Most Smarmy, Condescending Liberal Jerk Moment: “We have these things called aircraft carriers where planes land on them. We have these ships that go underwater, nuclear submarines…” Utterly classless and disrespectful for the President of the United States. This is not an election for a city council seat.

Best Romney Zinger/Moment:

ROMNEY: I want to make sure we get that for the record because it took the president 14 days before he called the attack in Benghazi an act of terror.

OBAMA: Get the transcript.

(Romney shoots Obama an “Oh, really? You’ll regret this…” look.)

CROWLEY: It — it — it — he did in fact, sir. So let me — let me call it an act of terror…

You go right ahead assist the President, Ms. Alleged Nonpartisan Moderator. Oh wait, turns out you’re wrong, too. The transcript/record supports Romney’s contention. Oopsy!

Most Dumb Conservative Jerk Moment: “I like PBS, I love Big Bird. Actually like you, too. But I’m not going to — I’m not going to keep on spending money on things to borrow money from China to pay for. That’s number one.” Defunding PBS is such a feckless and petty thing to pick on when the spending is far greater on so many other useless and costly programs—though I believe NPR needs to be defunded post-haste. But this? Come on. Piss off every parent of a child under 5 years old in America, why don’t ya.

Most Inept Moderator: Jim Lehrer. Both candidates steamrolled him. By the way, Lehrer and Bob Schieffer have two things in common—1.) both look about 3 days away from death; 2.both should never be allowed to moderate anything other than Bingo scoring decisions ever again.

Best Moderator: None. All displayed liberal bias—maybe that’s because all of them admit to being so.

Best Conservative Moderator: None. Because there weren’t any. However, I nominate Brit Hume to take Lehrer’s place.

Best Factchecking Outfit: Tie. Don’t be stuck on stupid talking points, “friend up” or make daily visits to the Washington Post’s ‘Fact Checker” by Glenn Kessler and FactChecker.org.

There. Done. You are now free to put your head back in the sand and vote for….hey, is that a ostrich outside my window!?

*Though how one can have a war against a tactic escapes me.

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