Chuck and his buddies Chris, Dan and Ted are in the hole waiting to tee off for a beautiful round of September golf.
“Hey, guys, you gotta see this,” Chuck beams, pulling out his iPhone and showing the boys a picture of his little girl standing on the front porch of their house wearing a backpack. “It was her first day of school the other day.”
The other three look on and not saying much. Chucks looks a little bewildered by their mute response.
“First day of school? She’s in kindergarten already?” asks Ted.
“No, no, ” replies and chuckles Chuck. “She’s 3 and a half.”
“Oh,” Ted says a slightly confused. “Then how was it her first day of school? You mean preschool.”
“No, no, this is school.” replies a proud Chuck.
There’s a bit of silence as the other three look around.
“Dude, I hate to break it to you,” Chris says, “but putting stickers on paper, doing macaroni art, drawing horses that look more like turtles that have been crapped on and eating teaspoons of Elmer’s glue while learning to pick and eat your boogers, doesn’t exactly qualify as school.”
Chuck rolls his eyes skyward as the other three laugh. “Come on, guys, it’s way more than that. They’ll go on field drips, learn about animals, sing their ABCs, learn to count, and….”
“Basically learn all the same shit you teach them at home as a parent….”, Dan laughs.
“And say the words “poop” and “penis” 504 times….without getting tired of it” chortles Ted.
“That ain’t school”, that’s glorified daycare with a couple of more kids and more germs,” laughs Chris.
“Come on, guys….it’s school…in a way….” replies Chuck.
“You know, you really sound like a snooty elitist parent when you say “school”, right?”, Chris smiles.
“Status chasing dickweed is more like it!” says a laughing Ted.
“I bet you posted pics of it on Facebook, didn’t you!?” Dan chimes.
“Yeah, so?” says a defensive Chuck.
Chris laughs and whispers to Chuck, “Yep, you’re a dickweed…”
The other three burst out laughing, then quiet themselves as a group gets ready to tee off.
Chris, still smiling, puts his arm around a bemused Chuck and quietly says, “Look, we’re fucking with you. Well, sorta. The picture of the kid is cute as all get out. Listen, she’ll be in kindergarten before you know it, then she’ll spend the next 12-19 years being in school, you don’t need to rush the school thing”
Chris pauses then looks at Chuck, “Besides, one day, when she’s going to her first class at Stanford, you can post a picture on Facebook and brag about it then, okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” sighs Chuck.
“Oh, and you know what else?”
“Then you’ll be an asshat because nobody likes people brag about where their kid is going to college…” Chuck winks and smiles. “Now, tee it up, dickweed.”